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Helping children cope with the loss of a sibling
When a child dies -- or is seriously ill -- siblings sometimes feel they are on the outside looking in, left to their own devices to cope and grieve. But child bereavement experts say there are ways parents can help brothers and sisters deal with their feelings and stay connected. `When a member of the family is ill or dying, it's important to keep kids in the loop, because often kids will assume things are far worse than what actually is,'' says Mindy Cassel, executive director and co-founder of the Children's Bereavement Center in Coral Gables, noting that siblings can feel guilt and responsibility, even thoughts that they caused the illness or death.
The first is to be honest.
If a child is seriously ill or dying, talk to siblings about it in words they can understand.
Don't lie or withhold information. It will build mistrust.
Remember that kids have the same needs for information to help them process what's going on.
Find out how they are feeling. Ask them questions.
Encourage open communication. Don't make the subject taboo.
Keep them involved. Let them help. It develops a caring family.
Remember, grief is a process. There is no quick fix.
If a child is jealous because of the attention given to an ill sibling, remind them that it's not because the ill child is loved more, but that he or she is needier.
Address issues of role change if there is a death in the family. A child may ask ``Am I still a big sister?'' Discuss the issue with your family.
Find peer support. It helps a child feel less alone
